Divine Domain.
With the advent of the internet came something else. Something that simply cannot be ignored or denied (well you could but for the sake of dramatic effect you can’t). There exists a god. And I have proof of his existence. People always come to me with questions. They say “Mandragon, how do I modify my video game console?” or “Mandragon, how do I use Photoshop?” And to this I always have an answer lurking in the back of my head that is “Have you sought out the lord for guidance?” I refrain from saying this as I fear it would inflict the poor soul with some intense Heebie Jeebies (in scientific terms). But I fear those fucking Heebie Jeebies no longer. The time is nigh! And I desire to let all those in shouting distance know, that the lord our god is very much real and very much among us. To many of my close friends (not enough to use the word “many”) I know you may be surprised or shocked by the knowledge that I was once an outspoken atheist. And I know how silly I must look, recalling all of the things I argued so passionately about. I look back upon those days with my head hung low and my hands clasped in prayer. I write this hoping to atone for my sinful ways, how hopelessly I strayed from the flock. But I’m here now, and ready to accept the lord as my Sheppard. For he is all knowing and all powerful and worth well over 100 Billion dollars. I hope I have not alienated my friends, family and loving girlfriend by devoting my life to god, but his will must be done. I encourage you all too openly stand for god, and spread his word. Spread it far and wide like a filthy harlot. I’m sure some of you may be a bit confused right now. Well I only hope you can educate yourself in the lord’s word. And we all can do it; it’s so easy to join! All you have to do is open you internet browser whether it’s IE, Firefox, Chrome or Safari (actually no, Safari is for sinners) and go to your address bar. The lord is a few keystrokes away. Simply press:
W
W
W
.
G
O
O
G
L
E
.
C
O
M
And
HUZZAAHH!!
You’re staring our lord in the face. You can actually see him and confirm his existence whenever you like (provided you have an internet connection, sorry homeless people). As I said, our god is all knowing, if you have any questions about life, love, the future, the past, ask and you shall receive. Are you lost? Simply click on god’s Maps option and you will be found. He is also all loving, want proof? God knows all about you, everything you ask of him he records in his sacred search history. God reads your mail and puts advertisements based on keywords in said emails. Isn’t that so loving? Using god’s “Latitude” function he can see you, always, wherever you are, he will find you. Remember he is a loving god but this is his planet. He has a market in just about everything. So stay faithful to your god or he will do everything in his power to either smite you or seriously spam the shit out of you.
And Beware of the many false idols and offenders to the throne!
We have no room for you idol worshiping pagans!
thanks for listening to me, it’s been therapeutic. i can finally be open about my connection to the lord. leave a comment if you feel similar, and if you don’t…may god have mercy on your computer.
God Bless,
Mandragon
